Day 1.

For Break

fast I ate oatmeal and an orange.

It is funny how purposefully changing your

diet

drastically changes how the

D

A

Y

is planned.

I mad e

the decision to BIKE with my gloved hands

cupped around a ceramic mug spilling over with

oats and

flax.

I made it to class with Z

E
R
O

accidents but it sure was a close call.

For Lunch

I slobbered over the steamy pizza

each of my SABERS munched on

while I enjoyed a nice bowl of

1/2 tomato

1/4 eggplant

1/4 Squash

1/2 can Black Beans

1/2 bag frozen corn

lemon wedge

2 tbls Apple Cider Vinegar

2 tbls EVOO

and a flour tortilla

s

p

r

e

a

d

with natural peanut butter and raw sunflower sEEds.

YUM

TThe rest of the day has greeted me with waves of headaches and fatigue. But do not worry, all is good and I will enjoy the rain/snow tonight and a bowl of sautéed veggies. SOUP tomorrow.

struggles

J

A

C

O

B Wrestles with GOD. genesis 32:22-32

He leaves with a limp & a B

L

E

S

S

I

N

G

I like Jacob, am Isreal...

translated: to wrestle (struggle) with GOD.

we CANNOT know all the

ANSWERS

BUT

we CAN know

GOD.

I am sitting on the eve of a time set aside to practice discipline and spiritual renewal. At first I thought this would be a perfect opportunity to discover the lay out of my life's "next step".

However, together with my community, we studied the story of Jacob and his turmoil with Boet (God). As I begin the Daniel Fast tomorrow morning, I will reject my tendencies to over plan my long term schedule, and instead attempt to become intimately aware of the Father's love for me. To know H

I

M

Daniel

"I heard his voice. At the sound of it I fainted, fell flat on the ground, face in the dirt. A hand touched me and pulled me to my hands and knees."
Daniel Chapter 10.


It would make sense to enjoy long hours spent with our parents and siblings when we are young and have luxurious amounts of time on our hands. It would be sensible to enjoy stimulating conversation and hysterical competition on the Wii Fit. Maybe a casual meal around the old kitchen table and an hour of sitting and arguing about theology, political justifications and the biology of man.

I am graduating from Hardin-Simmons in May and will surely miss the long Christmas breaks between semesters. This holiday season I made a discovery-- I thoroughly enjoy my family. If only this had been a discovery at the beginning of college rather than the end.
Irony is defined as: "the incongruity of this"

I spent one week at home and was full of good buttery food and wisdom. Now I will admit, there were the unavoidable frustrations that sprout when dealing with family. Unavoidable because my mom has known me before I even knew me and we struggle with control, pride and independence. In tender moments of vulnerability, over coffee or gift wrapping, I saw my mom in all her beauty and struggle. I saw the sacrifice and passion of a strong women.
And I saw myself.

Occasionally I view knowledge as odious. How can something considered to be so valued and precious cause hatred and division, contempt and repulsion. Knowledge, much like faith, should be a dance inviting all to join. Yet I find myself lording this gift over others, especially those who know me in my most human ways. I am learning that the more knowledge I gain the less I truly know.
Irony is defined as: "the incongruity of this"

As I come to enjoy my family I am learning that it takes the constant choice to forgive and to love. To heal.

Every day I fall flat on my face, and the grace of Boet(God) lifts me up slowly. Reminding me I am Chosen, Holy, Dearly Loved, and the Child of God.

What a happy holiday.

Mr. TastyKakes

Graphics by Pugly Pixel.

I have spent the last few days in Philadelphia

At a model UN conference.

I sat in a room with students from

Harvard

Yale

Columbia

University of Chicago

Georgetown

and other 'prestigious' Universities

thoroughly intimidated.

As the first session began, I looked around the room flabbergasted

at the note passing, placards thrust in the air and students tromping to the front of the room to make superfluous speeches that left me speechless.

I have an aesthetic eye and a passion for 'grassroot' ministry.

I absolutely do not have the passion for

national sovereignty

private investors

micro-financing

points of inquiry

making motions

blah-blah-blah.

Two moments of enlightenment:

1.

I was briskly walking down 16th street of Philly and past once and then twice

a man and son squatted on the cold ground

with a flimsy piece of cardboard scribbled with sharpie.

My papa knocked on my heart and reminded

me that every time I love another

I am serving the face of Jesus.

I turned around for the third time and tentatively

scooted over to this man.

I began by roughly asking

Tu espanol? (rough)

"No. Roma."

Um...Romanian?

"Da"

Ce Faci?!?

"Bine!"

Cum te ciam? (Rough; What is your name?)

And this is about as far as our conversation got.

I was just so excited to meet a family with whom I could share even a tiny tidbit of understanding. I am sure he felt the same way.

How hysterical for me to be so absorbed in my own academic

misery that I almost missed the mission, the calling

placed on my heart.

I have been given the talent to tell stories.

Not to write resolutions and pretend to be political.

This european man and a Pastor from Washington

gently reminded me of the place where my

Story Telling

has been requested.

Europe.

How daunting.

And not so very specific.

2.

Mr. TastyKakes.

I sat on the airplane in route to Dallas and knew that the minute my seatbelt clicked it would be a very long flight.

I had a paper due the next morning at nine and had promised myself diligence on the flight.

However, Charles introduced himself immediately

and was not in mood to silently stare out the window.

I noticed how he clutched a faded black book labeled

Holy Bible,

Stuffed with papers and photographs.

Charles was a man who let you no immediately

he was not about sitting behind a desk the rest of his life.

He loved to work with his hands,

a plumber

a painter

a poet

and many others trades

accumulated into a very colorful man.

Charles had a story to tell.

(I kept thinking how much Charles would enjoy a conversation with my dad.)

He was a simple man with simple convictions

and a heart transformed by Boet.

How funny that I could spend five days in the presence of such brilliance

and see these University elites deny any amount of self corruption.

And then see a man who understands brokenness and clings to the only thing that makes us whole.

Dear Charles,

Thank you for the Philly made TastyKakes.

They are inspiring.

Never to early to celebrate...

Christmas.

So it might be two weeks until Thanksgiving,

but I believe that a season of giving thanks can easily be fused with a time for good cheer.

Amen?

Lauren and I made paper ornaments while Angela snuggled on the couch.

And that leads to the second thing worth celebrating...

Roommates.

They really do make life interesting and swollen with joy.

We have laughed unconstrained,

cried for no good reason,

wrestled,

filled our bellies with Lauren's Spaghetti,

played practical jokes,

farted around

ect.

ANGELA

LAUREN

Needless to say I am thankful for these two bucketheads.

Ezra.

Today has reminded me of Winnie the Pooh.

Chuckling as he fights against the blustering wind

watching Piglet fly by yelping for assistance

And Christopher Robin in his blue shorts, cardigan and bright red scarf.

All I want to do is bake.

Take a walk

Wearing this.

And these while petting him.

I just really love Sheep.

A side thought.

I finally went grocery shopping and felt an overwhelming amount of peace as my cabinets filled. I wish that life could be that easily satisfied. When you hear a grumble and notice cobwebs in the kitchen, simply nod, grab your keys and trot over to the market.

But life requires so much more than one decision for change.

It takes a daily pruning of self.

A

Constant

question

posed

to

the

heart.

Who do I want to be? Am I empty? Well then, lets get to work.

In the book of Ezra, the Hebrews begin to worship at the site of the temple before the ground has even been broken.

It begins with redemption of the heart.

Reconstruction cannot occur until our hearts are completely surrendered to Christ.

Otherwise we build up soggy well groomed behaviors.

Empty

and

Ambivalent.

Sad Bird's looking chipper.

You see this little guy? His name is Sad Bird and he lived on the window tint of a borrowed church van. Sad Bird represents something not so sad at all actually. In the midst of a scheduled discombobulated summer, I had the rich privilege of hopping onto a "cheap" flight to Portland, Oregon to celebrate the wedding of my authentically joyful cousin Mandee. A complete treat, like a pumpkin spice cupcake with cream cheese frosting. A time to gather for

5Rock Ranch,

S'mores roasts,

ultimate frisbee,

paint-by-number,

assembly lines,

gut busting circles of laughter,

prayer,

more prayer,

delicious home cooked food,

pizza and veggies on the patio,

Good Beer,

Beach trips,

and Photos.

When I worry about being stressed and losing little joys, I remember Sad Bird and all the jokes told while staring out his old window. The life giving weekend that reminded me of the vitality of celebration. Of Laughing. And the anticipation of another family reunion rapidly approaching in the honor of my brothers wedding.

So hats off to Good Times Van Round 2!! T-minus 19 days.